Happy Blechday...

Happy blechday to me, happy blechday to me...
I'm not saying anything else about side effects this time, suffice to say that I will be happy to hit Monday, by which time I hope I will be feeling better. It's just blech, that's all I have to say. Oh well, two down, six to go. This time they only stuck me twice, oh happiness.
Why is cancer such an awkward disease? People generally have no idea how to talk to someone with cancer, and often come out with statements that don't help, or in the worst cases even cause me to get pretty annoyed. Examples;
" You will definitely beat it, no doubt at all!" No, I have about 60% chance of 'beating it', but does it make you uncomfortable to think about that? Well, sorry.
" It's a question of will power, you can beat any illness if you want to enough!" Oh, so this is my fault for not wanting to get better enough, huh?
"Should you be eating that? It's pretty unhealthy, shouldn't you be eating more salad?" Well, let's see, I've lost five kilos since March, do you think salad is going to work for me? Really?
And I'm not even going to deign to talk about the ' faith and belief' crowd, most of whom have realized that getting too close to me is not going to be good for their own health.
Good, I feel a lot better now, don't know if it is the nausea pill or the satisfying rant.
It isn't all black, really, don't take me too seriously. On the positive side, I seem finally really to be getting the hang of getting a good seal on my ileostomy wafer, and it's itching much less, the skin is getting better and it has stuck for three days and counting, a record so far. The weather is pretty good too, and my hands are suffering less from cold sensitivity this round. Iza still hasn't given birth, but she is so heavy, she didn't want to get out of her nice soft straw bed this morning. I know how she feels, actually.

Just goating around...

Since I don't have much cancer related news ( and no news is good news!) I thought I would show you a bit of what else is going on- the most important thing everyone is waiting for is the birth of Iza's kids. Iza is one of our two goats, here is a picture of both of them;

Iza just means 'goat', and her daughter is called Pziza, which means ' reckless', which is a pretty good description of her behavior. Here you can't see that Iza is pregnant, but here is one of her doing her prenatal exercises- note the satisfied look on her face as she manages a full stomach roll;

Really, she is HUGE, she has to give birth soon or she will burst. Pziza was supposed to be pregnant too, but she doesn't look any bigger than she was. Sold a dud goat, I guess. And here is one of yours truly on a goatherding expedition;

Actually this was taken before we got the goats, but I like it, and this is my blog so I'm posting it, so there.

At my nadir..

Bet you don't know what a nadir is, huh? Nor did I, until now. The nadir in chemotherapy is when the lowest level of blood counts occurs in the cycle, and it depends on which drugs are used and on the concentration. On my treatment, today is the nadir for red blood cells, meaning I am temporarily anemic, and god do I feel anemic! I hardly managed to drag myself to yoga this morning, then sweated and puffed through the lesson; I didn't know what was wrong until I came home and did some research, which is why I now know the word nadir. The good news is that in another day or two my body will be swinging upwards again- I am into the week without pills, which is nice.
Otherwise all is fine, the hand tingling has completely gone and I don't have any nausea or anything .I have lost a kilo and a half, so I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, a novel experience for me. Looking at the list of common side effects of chemo made me realize that I actually have an advantage; quite a lot of the symptoms sound just like menopause, of which delightful experience I have already been partaking for at least the last two years. Insomnia, flushing, irritation, loss of libido, headaches and so on hold no special terror for me, in fact it can only get better since radiotherapy and chemo kill off the last remnants of ovaries. Actually I DO feel less menopausey! See, it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good! Now if I could just find a chemo drug that dyes your hair a kind of dark copper.....

Over the first one, seven more to go.

Just to say that I feel really good today, and am busily stuffing my face! I have made a great vegetable soup, roasted peppers in garlic vinegar and olive oil dressing, grilled salmon with fresh oregano and butter, toasted pasta.... Is this called a bounce back? Pass the beetroot salad this way...
And the weather is better, today I took the goats for a trip over to the neighbours ( yes, the grass was greener) and they had a happy crunch.
And my hands feel better.
Yippee.

Feel icky.

Yes. Side effects, ugh. No appetite, pins and needles in my hands every time they get cold, and lots and lots of watery output from my ileostomy. And a kind of just shitty feeling. I know I should have got up and gone for a bracing walk, but the weather isn't co-operating at the moment; this is the weirdest year I have seen in Israel so far, hard rain and COLD! In the middle of April! And cold is not too good for me at the moment. I did try, I got up and walked outside for a bit with a friend who came by, but when the sky clouded over and rain started pelting down, my hands started going numb and even the end of my nose started to go, I chickened out and ran back to bed. None too soon, I couldn't even get my shoes undone because my fingers were completely paralyzed. Luckily after a few minutes in the warm they woke up, but I had learned my lesson- I'm still in bed and am staying here until it gets nicer outside. Hope we aren't headed for a mini ice age.

First Oxaliplatin Infusion; Did it kill me?

No, it did not! After battling awful traffic all the way we finally managed to arrive at the oncology day care center in Meir Hospital on time. It is a fairly big ward, probably about 40 places in all, some in armchair recliners and some beds, depending on the state of the patient. It isn't really new or swish, but is adequate; it gets a little crowded when it is busy and companions have a hard time finding a comfortable place to sit. Oren ended up perched on a high stool crammed into a corner with patient files hemming him in on all sides! The nurses are nice, work hard and are professional and friendly. My nurse was an English speaking nurse from America called Maia.
We started off with a BIG problem getting an open vein. I maybe hadn't drunk enough or whatever, but my veins were not in the mood for giving blood, and after five attempts on my arms the third nurse to try used a vein on the back of my hand. Everyone, including me, thought it would be hopeless, and they immediately sent off blood work and ordered an appointment to put in a port, which is a kind of under the skin permanent catheter. I really don't want a port, it will bother me doing yoga, but it did seem as if there was no choice at that point. However, surprisingly, the back of hand vein was really good, dripped well and gave me no pain at all. I had been told that Oxaliplatin can hurt, especially in a small vein, but this was fine. I just have a kind of feeling of numbness and as though I have got a bit of a fibreglass burn on my arm just over the infusion area and a few centimeters up. So, I asked them to cancel the port and I will carry on this way. Next time is in three weeks and I will try the other hand, there seems to be a good vein there too. The whole procedure took a long time, we arrived at 9.00 and left at 15.30, but next time will be shorter since I won't need blood work, I will do it in the local clinic and I won't need the first time tutorial. I hope we will get a vein open more easily too.
Side effects; I have sensitivity to cold which makes my hands numb and I have pins and needles a lot of the time in them,probably because it is a bit cold today. It doesn't hurt, just annoying and a little difficult to type. No nausea, no feeling of weakness yet, but I haven't got out of bed yet, ha ha ha. I know the floor will feel as though it is frozen metal. No diarrhea as far as I can tell, but it is a bit hard to know with an ileostomy anyway, luckily! No running for the loo for me!  Anyway, this should all go away in the next few days.
 I need to get used to taking the Xeloda, with chemo-brain this is quite a feat. I definitely have some chemo-brain, my short term memory is shot to hell, although it doesn't affect things like playing chess as far as I can see. I can ask the same question and have it answered three times in a row, though, and some things just completely disappear into a black hole. 
So, all in all not too bad, much less than I had feared. I can do this!
And I'm going to yoga today.

Can't eat another meal!!!!

So, my parents have been here all week, today is the last day of their visit, and I am full. Really, really full. Of kebabs and grilled fish and Italian food and calamari and gourmet hamburger and.....
I have been fattened like a lamb ( well, more mutton in my case, I suppose) and am just hoping to avoid the spit now! My parents, who look as well as ever, are flying out in the evening, but that isn't the end of the celebrations; on Monday night Independence Day starts, with fireworks, music and dancing and huge barbecues and picnics on Tuesday. We will have an 'open barbecue' which means that whoever wants to can bring their meat and grill it on our grill, salads and pita bread will be plentiful. It is good timing- on Wednesday I start chemo again, with an infusion of Oxaliplatin and pills of Xeloda. Fingers crossed.
Stomaland is getting better, the new bases and some rings to put round it arrived and are helping, I hope; for the first time I have gone three days without changing bases. I hope my skin will look better when I do change, it certainly itches less. I have become rather daring- I ate an olive yesterday! Actually I didn't mean to, I thought I would just suck it a bit, but it was so tasty I couldn't resist it, started chewing a bit, and just couldn't stop. I did chew well, and I guess it must have been ok. I accidentally ate some pine nuts a few days ago, they were hidden in sauce and they came out whole! Lucky? Or can I start to relax a bit about blockages? I guess this must be a good stoma, I know some people aren't able to eat these things at all. One interesting thing is that I seem not to be gaining weight with all I am eating; I wonder if I am absorbing all the nutrients? Wow, it may be worth keeping the stoma for ever!