There comes a stage after the long hard fight when you can look back and evaluate everything that happened, everything that you felt, and how that affects the rest of your life.
I fought cancer for a year and a half with all my strength, and I am still fighting to overcome the residual effects. Now, though, I feel strong enough to see things - and people around me- clearly. I have read many conflicting accounts by cancer survivors; some say that they felt an incredible amount of support from everyone around them, others were more down to earth and said that people treated them no differently. For me, I feel that cancer was a watershed.
Before cancer I had no way of knowing who my friends really were. When I was lying in bed feeling too weak to get up in the middle of chemo, when cold water hurt to drink, when I was lying in intensive care after barely scraping through an emergency operation for peritonitis, it suddenly became apparent, very apparent. Luckily for me I was and am surrounded by people who care for me, first of all my wonderful partner, Oren, who took a lot of s**t when I was on the steroid crash once every three weeks during chemo, when I was hurting after each of the three operations I had, and when I just felt crappy, and kept on through it all, doggedly determined to see it out. My daughters all kept in touch and visited as often as they could, and my parents emailed regularly and visited from abroad twice during this time. Waking up to see all my daughters and Oren peeping round the door to the recovery room after the last operation was the best present I could possibly have got, even though they were hustled out by the nurse immediately. I knew they were there, I knew they cared enough to be there, and that gave me so much strength. Oren's family too, tried their best to help, although I think they were a bit scared of me. I was thorny, I know; I am thorny at the best of times, and these were not the best of times.
One of the best things which happened in this time was that I got back in touch with my best friend from way back, and she gave me another valuable source of strength and comfort,another shoulder to cry on and a good laugh too sometimes.
With all the good has to be bad; how would we recognize good otherwise? Those who tried to push religion, quack remedies, internet rumours of a miracle cure...And those who just didn't care enough to stay in touch. Those who never sent an unsolicited email, or sent one, and then forgot about me. Those who didn't visit, or offer to visit, those who never picked up a phone, once, to ask how I was. Those people are no longer on my Christmas list, and silly as it may sound, it took something like this for me to take them off it.
Sunday 22 February 2015
Thursday 19 February 2015
Two Updates in One Year!
Yep, me again. Just thought I'd check in and say that all's well. My surgeon was happy with everything, after prodding my smiley face stomach ( which he is responsible for, anyway...) and shoving his finger where the light don't shine, AGAIN! I hate that. But I do like to be told that everything is ok.
So we will be off on our next adventure soon, my grandchild is doing well and will probably be talking by the time we get back, laden with cuddly toys, I expect!
So we will be off on our next adventure soon, my grandchild is doing well and will probably be talking by the time we get back, laden with cuddly toys, I expect!
Sunday 25 January 2015
Sorry!!!
For all, or should I say any, of my faithful followers who have been checking back to try to find out what is going on; I am really sorry for not updating for so long. I always hate it when I am crazy to know what is happening with other people and they don't update, and hey, here I am doing the same thing.
So; I didn't do any CEA tests after the one in Palawan. Scared to, really, and I just wanted to forget about cancer and do something else, which is also why I didn't write anything. It's been almost nine months of ignoring cancer, and it was great, except for the nagging feeling at three in the morning that I really should be checking...
We arrived back in 'reality' a few weeks ago, and the first thing I did was to make an appointment with the doctor. Reality means Israel, modern medicine, lots of people who ask you what is going on, so basically no choice but to go and get tested. My CEA came back as 1.78, which, while not as low as I would really like ( I'd like 0) is reasonable. It is lower than the result nine months ago, but higher than those in the same lab a year ago. Let's say I can live with it. ( Black humour...) Then I went for a CT of chest, stomach and pelvis, so all of me more or less, and that was clear, which, frankly, amazed me. Now I am waiting for my check up with the surgeon who did my operations, which is on Wednesday.
The real reason we came to Israel is to be here for the birth of my first grandchild. It seems so strange to be a granny, but that is what I now am! The baby is lovely, and my daughter is fine, although the birth was extremely long and she had pre-eclampsia. It is so good to see everyone here, and my parents will be here soon too, so I'm hoping to get a few good 'four generation' photos.
We have big plans for the next year or so; I feel as though I have been given a chance to have one last big adventure, so we will be going back to Chasamba on the 27th of February, and after stocking up as much as possible we will set sail for Papua New Guinea and the Solomon Islands, stopping at several tiny atolls on the way; Helen Reef and Ninigo atoll, two of the most beautiful places on earth. See those and die! ( Too much black humour?) After that we will decide whether to carry on south down to Australia or go north east up to Micronesia. So, there will be a few months that this blog won't be updated, but hey, you're used to that, I guess. (Sorry again...)
Actually I am having a hard time getting used to the idea that I'm not going to die just yet. I was pretty sure I was riddled with cancer and just about to start feeling it; having a clean scan really threw me. I suppose that's just my way of dealing with all this. If you resign yourself to the fact that you are going to die, you can concentrate on living meanwhile. We have done so much these ast few months- Chasamba was in a terrible shape when we got back to her, and after overhauling the engine we sailed to Carmen on Cebu island and got her hauled out of the water. Non too soon, she had lots of rust and several places where the whole thickness of her bottom was rust, so that any little bang would have sunk us. Chasamba has cancer too! But we cut it out, welded her back together and scrubbed her, painted her and did lots of work which hopefully will keep her afloat for a few more years.
So; I didn't do any CEA tests after the one in Palawan. Scared to, really, and I just wanted to forget about cancer and do something else, which is also why I didn't write anything. It's been almost nine months of ignoring cancer, and it was great, except for the nagging feeling at three in the morning that I really should be checking...
We arrived back in 'reality' a few weeks ago, and the first thing I did was to make an appointment with the doctor. Reality means Israel, modern medicine, lots of people who ask you what is going on, so basically no choice but to go and get tested. My CEA came back as 1.78, which, while not as low as I would really like ( I'd like 0) is reasonable. It is lower than the result nine months ago, but higher than those in the same lab a year ago. Let's say I can live with it. ( Black humour...) Then I went for a CT of chest, stomach and pelvis, so all of me more or less, and that was clear, which, frankly, amazed me. Now I am waiting for my check up with the surgeon who did my operations, which is on Wednesday.
The real reason we came to Israel is to be here for the birth of my first grandchild. It seems so strange to be a granny, but that is what I now am! The baby is lovely, and my daughter is fine, although the birth was extremely long and she had pre-eclampsia. It is so good to see everyone here, and my parents will be here soon too, so I'm hoping to get a few good 'four generation' photos.
We have big plans for the next year or so; I feel as though I have been given a chance to have one last big adventure, so we will be going back to Chasamba on the 27th of February, and after stocking up as much as possible we will set sail for Papua New Guinea and the Solomon Islands, stopping at several tiny atolls on the way; Helen Reef and Ninigo atoll, two of the most beautiful places on earth. See those and die! ( Too much black humour?) After that we will decide whether to carry on south down to Australia or go north east up to Micronesia. So, there will be a few months that this blog won't be updated, but hey, you're used to that, I guess. (Sorry again...)
Actually I am having a hard time getting used to the idea that I'm not going to die just yet. I was pretty sure I was riddled with cancer and just about to start feeling it; having a clean scan really threw me. I suppose that's just my way of dealing with all this. If you resign yourself to the fact that you are going to die, you can concentrate on living meanwhile. We have done so much these ast few months- Chasamba was in a terrible shape when we got back to her, and after overhauling the engine we sailed to Carmen on Cebu island and got her hauled out of the water. Non too soon, she had lots of rust and several places where the whole thickness of her bottom was rust, so that any little bang would have sunk us. Chasamba has cancer too! But we cut it out, welded her back together and scrubbed her, painted her and did lots of work which hopefully will keep her afloat for a few more years.
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